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Why Your Non-Negotiables Matter with Dating
Written by: Akua Hinds
October 1, 2020
In order to be in your ideal relationship, you will need to be strategic and use your non-negotiables to help you weed out people who do not have the qualities that you are looking for. It can be so easy to be dismiss your personal preferences in favour of being open to dating anyone and everyone, especially if you are feeling lonely. Some people who crave being in a relationship are so focused on being partnered that they neglect thinking about what type of person they really should be with. If you do not stand for something, you will fall for anything. That expression can apply to dating and relationships as well. We are all created to be equal, but that does not mean that we will be able to build our ideal lives with anyone and everyone. Here is why you need to use your non-negotiables to your advantage while you search for your soulmate:
You Can Live Within Your Truth
We all have our likes and dislikes, and we have our likes and dislikes for very important reasons. We really do not need to justify our likes and dislikes to other people; only to ourselves. I believe that we are all meant to want certain specific things because those things make up the blueprint to how our lives are supposed to be. For instance, I know that I like living a pet-free life and I dislike the idea of me living in the same space as animals. Now, it could be that I feel this way because I really wasn’t raised with pets other than tropical fish. I like tropical fish a lot, and I am always happy to live with those creatures as pets. But living with four-legged creatures is not for me and it never will be. I’m not against other people living with pets if pets are their passion, but pets are not my passion and as a result, I know that I cannot get romantically involved with a man who is a pet owner and insists on living with animals. I have enforced this non-negotiable of mine when using online dating. As soon as I see dating site member profile pictures of men holding pets, or if I see on a dating profile that a man owns pets, I move on and don’t even consider making a romantic connection with him because I know that our views on lifestyle will be different. I can’t think of any good reason to deliberately put myself into an uncomfortable living situation, especially when we all have choices. Choices are gifts, and we need to use our gifts wisely. You may not realize it, but you are depending upon yourself to make the right choices that you need for yourself to thrive.
Your Standard of Living Will be Better
What is normal and ideal to one person may be different to another person. However, one of the most satisfying things about the human experience is that we are bound to find some people who can relate to some of our experiences. The whole “opposites attract” concept may be true, but I have found that I prefer spending the majority of my time with people whose beliefs, behaviours, and goals in life are more similar to my own than not. When you share common views and goals with someone, you are less likely to have arguments about how you want to live. How satisfied will you feel if you are always having to compromise your beliefs?
There are few things that teach us better lessons than regrets. We can never get back the moments that we have spent, but we can certainly benefit from the right decisions that we have made. Unfortunately, we can also face harsh consequences for the bad choices that we have made. When we want to correct a situation, it is important to pivot VERY quickly and be determined about doing things the right way. Many people have made mistakes within their relationships. However, when you live within your truth, you will feel more confident about making the best decisions for yourself. You will feel very proud of yourself and more confident about your future when you set your standards and build your life with a partner who does not embarrass you or who makes you feel like you are living in an alternate universe because their way of living life is so contrary to your way.
Use your standards to help you shape the life that you deserve, and always believe that you deserve the best. Believing that you deserve the best does not mean that you treat other people as if they are beneath you; it simply means that you understand that you are responsible for building the life that you desperately wish to live. In order to become the winner that you are, you need to create a vision and step into that vision with your daily actions, and stand firm with your beliefs that you deserve to get involved with a love interest who is on your side.